Category: Health

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Article: Finding Support When your Support Network Is Limited

Ecola State Park, OR

There are times in life when you have a smaller support network than you would like: Few people to call upon when we want a listening ear or to spend time with someone with a caring attitude. (Maybe it’s 3am. Maybe you’ve just moved to a new town, or there’s been losses in your life.) In this article, I provide suggestions for managing those times of undesired isolation. There are still ways of caring for yourself when you are on your own.

Open your heart:  What type of videos make your face break into smiles, laughter or get your heart to melt?  (I’m a big fan of comedy specials, amusing bloopers, or adorable baby animal videos.) Go watch those videos now.

Relax: There are countless relaxation and mindfulness apps for phones, and relaxation videos on YouTube. There are are also many websites with free relaxation and meditation tips. The UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center offers free guided meditation audio files of various lengths in English and Espagnol. According to Informed Med Online, certain types of relaxation practices, like progressive muscle relaxation have been shown offer some relief from mild and moderate depression, but are not as effective as cognitive behavioral therapy. However, this is a reasonable option when you aren’t yet receiving any treatment.

Laugh. Read a funny book. Watch your favorite comedy: Movie, sit-com, comedy special, whatever will get you to laugh again. Laughter brings perspective and can help shift your mood. (According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter has many health benefits, including lessening depression and anxiety.)

Gain inspiration or learn something:  Watch a TED Talk on a topic of interest. Listen to a thoughtful podcast. Catch up with your favorite radio show. I love This American Life and RadioLab for offering surprising insights. Research quotes by an inspiring historical figure. Reach for a favorite memoir or religious text. I’m a big fan of writer Anne Lamott for combining humor, insight and humility in her books  about faith. New knowledge can be a gateway for a restored sense of hope in humanity. According to the the UK’s National Health Service, continuing to learn new things can improve self-esteem and help build a sense of purpose–the more active the learning the better.

Pray. Sometimes connecting to your spiritual side or a higher power can help provide a feeling or connection or relief, and re-estabish hope. According to the International Journal of Psychiatry Medicine, there’s some preliminary evidence that prayer can help reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.

Do something nice for your body. Take a bubble bath, or a long hot shower. Go for a walk. Have a dance party in your living room. Put on your favorite outfit. Moving your body can help shift your focus to the here and now and there have been several studies showing the benefits of exercise for reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.

If you think you might be depressed, here is great information on signs, treatment options, and support for depression from the National Institute of Mental Health and from the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center.  If you are having thoughts of suicide, please call the 24-hour, toll-free confidential National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (1-800-273-TALK) or go to www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. If you fear you are about to take action, please call 911 or go to the nearest ER.

If you are a friend or family member concerned for someone you know, here’s a very helpful Depression Toolkit from the University of Michigan’s Depression Center.

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Article: Checking In with Yourself for Self-Care

Wisteria at Longwood Gardens

Another way to care for yourself is to make time to check-in with yourself at the beginning of the day, and at the end of the work day, when you still have a little time left to engage in self-care.

Before you start asking yourself questions, take a moment to take a few deep breaths and center yourself.  Bring yourself back to the present instead of rushing ahead in your mind. Making time to acknowledge what you need, on many different levels, can  help you prioritize how you use your time that day. The hope is that when you arrive at the end of the day, you feel a greater sense of satisfaction and purpose.

  • What does my heart need today? What’s my interior emotional tone? Am I calm, nervous, worried, a little worn down, or sad? Once you acknowledge your emotional tone, ask yourself: What would be the best thing I could do to support my heart today?
    • Should I make some time to be quiet by myself?
    • Would reading a good book help?
    • Should I reach out to someone I love who loves me back?

Pick something you can do for yourself and schedule it into your day.

  • What does my body need today?
    • Am I tired?

If you’re tired, make sleep a priority for three nights this week. Schedule your bedtime.

    • When was the last time I had some vegetables or ate some fruit?

If this question is hard to answer, make a point of adding something from the garden to your diet today.

    • When was the last time I exerted myself or went for a nice long walk?
      • Ask yourself, can I add a little more walking to my day? If so, when can I do it?
      • Did I make a date with myself to go to the gym, or take an exercise class?
      • Can I ask a friend to join me in a physical activity?

Protect your time, mark it in your calendar.

  • What does my spirit need today? Should I make time to meditate, to laugh, read an inspiring text, journal or pray? How can I connect with the divine or spiritual in my life today? If not today, then when this week?

If this is a personal priority. Treat it accordingly. Make time for it.

  • What does my mind need today? Is there a question or activity or task that my brain wants to take on? Am I craving excitement, information, accomplishment, or something else? Once you acknowledge your mind’s needs, decide whether you can make time to act on this desire.

I’m placing the mind lower on the list of priorities, because I believe that our U.S. culture prioritizes the mind, and puts the body, heart and spirit last–which is why I’ve inverted the order in this particular article.

At first, acknowledging these different aspects of yourself and making time for them might feel strange, or even selfish. But the more you nourish all the different pieces of your self, the more you will be able to give back to the people who share your life.

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Article: Creating a Self Care Plan, Part I: Using your Body

Using your Senses to Care for Yourself

Rather than tell you what steps you should take to take care of yourself, I’m going to help you craft your own self-care plan. This approach allows your wisdom and expertise in the topic of you to shine through.  With my approach you can engage your wisdom, resources, friends and mentors, body and spirit, to manage your well-being.  Pick a calm day to do this activity. When you’re calm and centered you can think more clearly. The goal is to plan for a bad day when you’re having a good day, so you can prepare the path.

Red tugboat, Marlborough Sound, South Island, New Zealand

We don’t always have friends available to support us through our difficult moments in life. That doesn’t mean you can’t get some urgent relief when you’re feeling stressed or anxious.

Use your Senses

First step, do an inventory of ways you can use your senses to bring you joy, calm or comfort. It can be very helpful to know that there are many ways you can comfort yourself, on your own, when you need a little break, or some extra support as you go through your day.

  1. Touch: List three things you like to touch. Maybe that’s a favorite blanket, a comfortable sweater, fuzzy slippers, a leather jacket or pajamas. Maybe it’s a silky garment. Make a plan to put one of these items on when you get home. If someone you trust is present, ask for a long hug. If you can, schedule a massage, or some acupuncture–or any other bodywork practice that helps you.
  2. Taste: List three things you like to taste. Enjoy a spoonful of Nutella, or a square of your favorite chocolate. I like olive oil and salt on a piece of toast.
  3. Smell: List three things you like to smell. It might be the smell of soil, the smell of grass, your favorite lotion, or the smell of books. I like the smell of Earl Grey Tea. Make an appointment with yourself to smell something nice.
  4. Sight: Think about things you enjoy seeing. List at least three. Do you enjoy videos with puppies or kittens in them? Do you have a favorite movie that makes you laugh? Look at picture albums or favorite photos on your phone. Pick up a favorite book, or lookup famous quotes spoken by your heroes.
  5. Hearing: Make a list of friends, mentors, or family members who are particularly kind and nurturing. Call one of them. Make a “calm playlist” and “joyful playlist” on your phone or computer. Make time to listen to your favorite song or soundtrack. Sing along.

Take time every day to give yourself a few moments of physical joy and comfort.

Use your Imagination

Wherever you go, your brain goes. Your mind is one of the most powerful tools at your disposal. Think back to a time and place in your life where you felt particularly safe and cared for. Where were you? If you can’t think of a particular memory that creates that safe, loved or joyful feeling, consider your dream vacation. Look up pictures of your dream destination. Take some time to imagine the following in detail. Really linger on each aspect of the picture you draw in your mind:

  • Where are you? Are you indoors or outdoors?
  • Are you alone? If not, who is there with you?
  • How much light is there? Is it a sunny day, are there any clouds in the sky? or nighttime?
  • Are you standing or sitting or doing something else?
  • What outfit are you wearing?
  • What can you hear?
  • What are you looking at?
  • What are you doing?
  • What is the feeling in your heart?
  • Does your body feel joyful or calm and settled?
  • Is there a particular smell in the air?

Take time every day to go on this mini vacation in your mind. (This practice is a type of meditation called guided imagery, the benefits of which are covered in this Mayo Clinic article. Guided imagery’s helpful impact on heart rate was tested in spaceflight simulations according to an article in BioMed Research International.)

Use your Breath

The breath is one of the more powerful and immediately accessible tools at our disposal.  Just three to five minutes of deliberate breathing can make a huge difference in calming down your nervous system and helping you feel more grounded and calm, and able to think more clearly, and feel less fear or anxiety.

First, either sit down comfortably, and let your body sink into the chair, and your feet sink into the ground. If you’re feeling too much energy in your body to sit, stand up and feel the energy flow down through your legs and feet and into the ground that is supporting the weight of your body.

Second, follow this breathing practice: Inhale through your nose for a count of four or five, letting your lower belly expand. Pause your breathing for a second or two. Then exhale slowly through your mouth, pretending you are breathing through a small stirring straw, and trying to lengthen your breath and exhale for as long as you can. Try doing this for at least 10 breaths. You should feel some level of increased relaxation in your body.

(The journal Science published preliminary research in mice that starts to validate what a lot of traditions have been saying for a long time: breathing really helps. Other scientists have gathered proof of the technique’s power reports NPR. Here’s more info on the science of breath as reported by The New York Times and Psychology Today.)

Put the Plan to Use

Daily practice is your best option (doing two or three of these). The more ingrained these behaviors become, the stronger they are as tools in your coping tool belt, and the more effective they will be the day when you must call upon them. In a period where you’re feeling more stressed or fragile than usual, acknowledge that you’re slightly more vulnerable and carve our more time for self-care. If you can, do five of these techniques a day.

(I also really like this comprehensive article on self-care written by the UN Refugee Agency for its staffers.)

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Thinking about Self-Care

One of the things I’m interested in exploring in this space is how we can use our skill sets to acknowledge our needs, and then tend to our selves, so we can be grounded, and focused, and integrated as we move through our personal and professional lives. The self-care movement has had some interesting critiques in its recent revival, (see The New Yorker, and The Atlantic articles), but I don’t think this negates the need for a daily check in with the self–and a tending to our internal self. There are many conduits to connecting with the self, so my goal isn’t to be prescriptive, but to help each person assess their resources, and knowledge and then use their strengths and networks to improve their wellbeing and focus.