An acquaintance recently described a multi-year therapy relationship that she hadn’t enjoyed because she felt judged by her therapist. While therapists are supposed to provide empathy, a set of professional skills, questions that lead to reflection, and a kind support system on your life’s journey, judgment shouldn’t be in the room. I’m not going to claim that sessions are a totally judgment free zone, since therapists are people too, but (at least in my opinion) clients should experience thoughtful kindness 99% of the time.
If you consistently feel judged by your therapist, that person is probably not the right therapist for you.
So how do you go about picking a therapist?
First, start by looking on Psychology Today (or another directory site) for a therapist in your area code who treats your concern. (Psychology Today is the yellow book of therapists, it has most everybody. There are other competing websites, and they have their own listings.) You’ll notice that many therapists do not take insurance, and you will need to use your out of network benefits if you have insurance, or pay out of pocket (depending on what fee you can afford). You might also want to google specific terms just to see what comes up.
Second, I recommend you contact at least five different therapists. (If the therapists have websites, take a look and see if you like their style and approach.) It’s likely that three of the therapists you reach out to will get back to you. Two will have openings at a time that works with your schedule and hopefully will have a fee that works with your budget.
Third, meet at least two therapists in person. There are a variety of treatment approaches and personal styles, and you will probably have a preference. Decide who is the right therapist for you.
Also, every therapist works better with certain people than others, and mismatches can be a little idiosyncratic. In my case, I’m not great at working with people who have long thoughtful pauses in their speech, though I hope I might get better at working with that population in the future.
If you do not have insurance, and are limited in your financial means, you have a few options. Remember that the major advantage of seeing someone in private practice and paying out of pocket is that they are a more stable provider: they are usually fully licensed and will not change employers. Paying out of pocket if you chose not to use your insurance will also give you more privacy: Just you and your therapist will know your diagnosis and no information about your treatment will be shared with your insurance.
Medicaid and No Insurance:
Medicaid is accepted at community mental health centers, and many centers take people with no insurance. This is a partial list. Community mental health includes: JFK Behavioral, NHS, NET, and COMHAR among others. To find out what Community Behavioral Health (CBH) centers are near you and accepting new clients, you can call the CBH member services number: 888-545-2600, open 24 hours a day.
Lower Sliding Scale Psychotherapy:
If you’re looking for a lower sliding scale psychotherapy than most private practitioners provide, you might consider contacting these providers: Therapy Center of Philadelphia, Council for Relationships, and Philadelphia Psychoanalytic Center. As this list is incomplete and could change, do your own research! (Also, feel free to contact me with updates.)
I’d be happy to hear any thoughts you might have on how you picked your therapist and why.
Disclaimer: This is intended as a set of suggestions. I trust in your ability to consider your needs and find the best solution for you.